Myths about public speaking

There are widespread myths about public speaking that shape our attitudes about what it takes to be an effective speaker. These myths have the poisonous effect of stopping us in our tracks from the get-go because they sell the idea that we’re lacking what’s “needed” to become a powerful and persuasive communicator. By accepting them as true, we allow ourselves to become convinced from the start that we’re bound to fail.

By examining these myths about public speaking and seeing how and why we let them stand in our way, we can get past them. I call these myths the surface obstacles because, they operate on a superficial level. This makes them the easiest obstacles to remove because, quite simply, they have little or no weight at all. Here are the most common myths about public speaking I’ve identified in my seminars and individual coaching sessions over the years. Let’s separate fact from fiction:

Myth #1: “Nervousness Is a Sign of Weakness.”

Many people genuinely believe that if they get nervous speaking in public or at an interview, this characterizes them as weaklings. So, weeks before they have to make a presentation or go for that interview, they wake up each night with the sweats, having a panic attack at the prospect of being found out they suffer from the jitters and will be seen by their employers, coworkers, and customers as not measuring up. Thus, their jitters are compounded by shame.

The truth is, most of the people I work with—even, perhaps especially, those at the highest levels of their profession—get a little tense in public speaking or interview situations. Professional speakers and performers who make their living in front of audiences get the jitters, too. In fact, if they don’t get them, they get nervous about not getting them!

No matter who you are, when you’re in a situation where you’re putting yourself out there—on the line, as it were—you realize there is a chance you’ll be rejected. So, you get nervous. That’s a normal response. It doesn’t mean you’re a weenie. What you do with that nervous energy is what’s important.

I recently had the pleasure of meeting the Tony Award–winning actress Chita Rivera. She is in remarkable physical shape and exudes the energy and charisma that make her a Broadway legend. I asked her if she was still performing. In fact, she told me, she was preparing to go into rehearsal very soon for a new play and was very excited about it.

I remarked how wonderful it was that even now, at this stage in her professional life, she could still look forward with such enthusiasm to the idea of performing before an audience. At which point, she raised her arms, clenched her fists, and said, “Yes. But I get s-o-o-o nervous!”

Imagine that. Here’s a professional actress, a Broadway superstar, in fact, who has more than a half-century of experience performing night after night before Broadway audiences (a very tough crowd!), and she admits that she still gets the heebie-jeebies at the prospect of going out there onstage.

Others like the late actor Sir Laurence Olivier, singers Barbra Streisand and Carly Simon, actress Kim Basinger, and NBC Today show weatherman Willard Scott also have admitted experiencing severe bouts of performance anxiety in their professional lives. If that means they’re weenies, then, hey, the rest of us might as well pack up our speeches and presentations and job applications and go home! Nervousness is not a sign of weakness! It is a sign of excess energy that you must learn to control and redirect. When you come to understand how your mind and body function under pressure, I will provide you with techniques for releasing stress-related energy and channeling the nervousness it produces in a positive direction that works for not against you.

This is what well-known battlers against performance anxiety have learned to do. They see their oncoming bout of nervousness, annoying though it may be, as a signal that they are getting ready to meet a challenge, and they use that awareness and their energy as fuel to do their best.

Myth #2: “You Have to Be Perfect.”

Do you know people in your life who must do everything perfectly? In both their professional and personal lives, they find it necessary to cross every t and dot every i that life presents. In psychology circles, these people are known as perfectionists. While we tend to appreciate and associate hard work, responsibility, and ambition with these high-achieving individuals, there is a downside. Oftentimes they set standards that are too high for themselves, and if they fail to meet those unrealistic expectations or fall short of their goals, they are very hard on themselves. It’s also difficult, sometimes, to relate to perfectionists, because most of us are not perfect!

It’s the same in public speaking, presentation, or interview situations. When I see someone who is too polished, too precise, too slick, who never makes a mistake or a misstep, my immediate reaction to them is that they’re too good to be true. In other words, I don’t believe them because they’re just too . . . well, perfect. What I want from a speaker, presenter, or interviewee—and I’m sure you do, too—is someone who shows up prepared, of course, but who comes across as a human being. I want a person who is capable of handling the situation—especially if something unplanned occurs, as it always does—with grace, perspective, and a healthy sense of humor.

The fact is, the best speakers and presenters rely on their willingness to be imperfect in order to put themselves and their messages across more effectively. They know they can’t afford to be perfect because perfection doesn’t exist; the unexpected will occur, and they must be free to let themselves go so they can respond to such situations.

I’ve experienced many such moments in my professional life. At first they were scary, but then I came to appreciate what they were telling me, which is that to aim for perfection as a speaker or presenter puts you in a tight box with no room for spontaneity and only adds to your nervousness.

Whenever I run into clients who get terribly distraught prior to facing their particular public, who start obsessing over minor details and develop an almost chronic sense of self-doubt that virtually (sometimes completely) paralyzes them, I know what arena we’re in. Because of the belief they’ve imposed on themselves that they have to do this perfectly, they work themselves into such a state that they make the process of giving that speech, making that presentation, or going for that interview more difficult and pressure filled than it should be. By setting the bar so high for themselves (or anyone, frankly), quite often they become such nervous wrecks that they may opt out entirely.

Clearly, “I must be perfect” is an unrealistic attitude that takes you to but one destination in your personal or professional life: nowhere. I remember reading columnist Anna Quindlen’s commencement address to the graduating students of Mount Holyoke College in 1999. In it, she encouraged her accomplished, hopeful listeners to give up the need for perfection in their lives as she had done in hers. “Eventually, being perfect day after day, year after year became like carrying a backpack filled with bricks on my back,” she said of her early years as a student at Barnard College. “And, oh, how I secretly longed to lay that burden down.” That sums it up just about . . . perfectly.

Myth #3: “It’s a Talent You Have to Be Born with.”

I’m not sure where this notion stems from—except, perhaps, that because the world’s great speakers make it look so easy, the assumption is it must come naturally to them. That is absolutely not true.

Great communicators like John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr., Ronald Reagan, and Bill Clinton—to name only a few— spent years developing and honing the Art of Speaking. (Reagan, in fact, was a sportscaster, actor, and corporate spokesperson before entering politics; so, a lot of training and practice went into his becoming a great communicator.) Furthermore, they all had, and still have in some cases, professional speechwriters working for them, whereas most of us have the additional responsibility of coming up with our own material on top of delivering it. The truth is, 50 percent of the people I work with who find themselves in the position of having to give a speech or make a presentation have had little or no previous experience doing so. Under these circumstances, they can’t expect to be polished pros like a Reagan or a Clinton, for whom communicating ideas and persuading others was and is an integral part of their professional life.

I won’t argue that many good speakers do have natural proclivities in that direction. Perhaps they simply feel more relaxed and comfortable speaking before groups (although this, too, can be developed, particularly over time and with repetition). However, without a solid technique to support them, and constant application of that technique, they would not be nearly as effective, no matter how at ease they feel before an audience. My belief is that great communicators are made, not born. And any of us can become one if we combine a real desire to achieve that goal with technique and discipline.

Myth #4: “You Have to Be a Comedian.”

There really should be warning labels on the backs of professional stand-up comics like Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno that read: “Don’t try this at home.” Or, perhaps, more to the point: “Only try this at home.”

There is no question that making your audience laugh is an asset as a presenter or speaker, or even when interviewing for a job or college. But you don’t have to be a stand-up comic to accomplish this.

Even if you can’t tell a joke worth a dime and always ruin a punch line, you, too, can bring a sense of humor to your speech, presentation, or Q&A and connect with your audience. You won’t have to put on funny hats or juggle bowling balls to get a laugh. Consider the great public speakers. They can succeed in drawing a laugh out of us without trying to be Robin Williams. The secret to drawing laughs is to learn and practice the principles of good storytelling, which I’ll cover in greater detail in part 2. These speakers enliven their words with anecdotes and stories drawn from their own experiences, which elicit chuckles of recognition from us because we can relate to them. In other words, good speakers engage us in sharing a laugh with them (often at their own expense).

Myth #5: “Everything You Say Must Be Important.”

Who among us speaks pearls of wisdom all the time? Even philosophers take a verbal vacation once in a while. But a lot of what you have to say is very important—particularly if you are selling yourself or your company, or sharing your expertise or an idea. I’ve found that people who accept this myth and believe that what they have to say is unimportant were typically brought up with the axiom “Children should be seen and not heard.” Dispelling this myth is usually sufficient to release its hold.

Myth #6: “My Nervousness Is Worse than Anybody Else’s.”

If this were true, then fear of snakes would rank higher on the list of people’s phobias than fear of public speaking! Nevertheless, I understand where people who have this attitude are coming from. In many ways it mirrors the psychology of a soldier who thinks that he’s the only one who is scared of going into battle, and is worried that he might be branded a coward if his fear were exposed.

I’ve experienced cases of nerves at many different stages of my professional life, and I closely guarded that secret for years, fearing that if it were found out, I might not get the job—or, worse, be seen as someone with “issues.”

It wasn’t until I began coaching people, particularly corporate executives, to speak freely that I found out how truly unremarkable my own bouts of nervousness were. These highly accomplished, successful people were concealing the same secret and suffering the same way I was.

Some people are better able to hide their feelings of anxiety than others, or at least they have learned how to channel their nervousness and manage it so that it won’t get the best of them (this is me). But in order to do that you must first admit that the problem exists and not adopt the attitude that you’re a lone sufferer who must always keep your anxiety under wraps.

At one point in my career I was hired to coach a group of executives to appear on a television station. Their company had created an in-house state-of-the-art studio to produce business news and information programs for broadcast throughout corporate headquarters to employees during the course of the business day. The executives were to be the on-camera talent, or news anchors. Each admitted to me the state of panic he or she was in. And why wouldn’t they feel panicky? “Anchor person” was never a part of their job description. It was like being a cameraperson who is suddenly thrust into the spotlight to fill in for Tom Brokaw. One of these executives, a woman, told me—insisted, rather— that time was at a premium in her particular job, and so I was to teach her everything she needed to know in one session. Initially, I was taken aback. But then I realized what was actually going on with her. She was used to coping with time sheets and management reports. Now, she was coping with a serious case of performance anxiety and didn’t know how to handle it. To make matters worse, she expected herself to be able to just get through it. I suspected she felt that if her colleagues knew she was so beside herself with anxiety, they would lose respect for her as that tough cookie she’d always presented herself as being, and declare her a fraud. In truth, her nervous feelings were no different from, and no worse than, those of her fellow anchors-in-training.

Myth #7: “It’s Too Daunting and Overwhelming a Task.”

Remember when you learned how to ride a bike? In my case, as I watched the older kids on my block zooming up and down the street, I kept thinking, “How will I ever be able to do that?” Then one day my father took me outside and walked me through the process of balancing myself, working the handlebars, the pedals, the brakes, and so on step by step—and before I knew it, I was riding up and down that street with the older kids, too, having the time of my life.

I couldn’t believe how quickly I’d accomplished this and how natural riding a bike felt to me now. I no longer had to think about how to do it; I just did it! I climbed on, and off I went. Public speaking is similar. Suddenly you’re told you have to give a presentation to senior management or deliver a speech to the Rotary club. Your brain goes into overdrive. You feel overwhelmed. You think, “It’s impossible!” and you begin to panic.

Pretty soon, you just want to go home, dive into bed, and pull the covers over your head. I’ve been there myself many times. If that scenario sounds familiar to you, take solace in the fact that public speaking in all its varieties—from speaking before the board to the all-important job interview—is no more difficult to learn than riding a bike. All you need is a system—a place to start and a process to follow.

Myth #8: “You Have to Be Outgoing to Engage an Audience.”

One of my clients works as a researcher in the financial sector. He’s a behind-the-scenes-type guy who gathers information to help improve his company’s marketing position. Typically, he shares his findings with top senior-level management, either one on one or in small meetings. But now he was being asked to present his research to the bank’s sales force at an upcoming conference, and he was completely rattled. “I’m no rah-rah sales guy,” he told me. “I’m not even extroverted.” He was right.

I made the point that he didn’t have to be outgoing; he had to be relevant. That is to say, he didn’t need a personality makeover in the image of a Tony Robbins to grab and hold his audience. What he needed was to understand his audience’s perspective so that he’d present his information in a way that would be of value to that audience. Accomplish this, I told him, and all else would follow; he would become more energized in his delivery because his audience would actually be listening to him.

I’ve seen great speakers and presenters with a forceful delivery style leave audiences shaking their heads wondering, “What does all that mean for me?” I’ve also seen people with mediocre, even sleep-inducing, speaking styles wow an audience because of the content of their words and the relevance of their opinions. Former secretary of state Henry Kissinger comes to mind. There’s no speaker in the world whose delivery style is so deadly. It’s like watching the paint dry. But we listen to Kissinger because of the relevance of his opinions on the national and international scene; we want to hear what he has to say.

After making this point to my client, I set about working with him to improve his mechanics, such as watching the flow of his presentation and limiting the amount of detail he would include in his message so that it would be easier for his audience of sales folks (not analysts like himself) to digest and take away. And on the big day, he did very, very well.

Myth #9: “It’s All Over if You Make a Mistake.”

There will be times in your personal and professional life when you’ll lose your place in a speech or presentation and won’t know where to go next. Or, your mind will suddenly go on vacation in the middle of a Q&A session, and you won’t know what to say. For now, just keep in mind that everybody makes a slipup in a public address or Q&A now and then, or even more frequently. They range from experienced speakers like the president of the United States giving the State of the Union address, to college grads going for their first important job interview. Disregard the prevailing attitude that the only alternative is public humiliation and death. Stay calm. Don’t panic. And remember this: if you don’t make a big deal out of it, no one else will either.

By now you should have a clearer perspective on why these myths stand in our way, preventing us from being effective communicators, and why they are simply not true.

Once you recognize you have adopted erroneous beliefs, you should begin to experience immediate relief. These false notions we pick up along the way must be dispelled because, however we adopted these concepts, whether having read them somewhere or heard them in passing, these are false myths that have shaped our current perceptions and are not reality.